Sometimes I wish there was a button you could press in your brain and everything goes right back to how it used to be. If only life was that simple.
no need to reboot my brain here! German breakfast with soft boiled eggs, jam and yogurt are still one of my favorites
full creamy yogurt morning parfait with walnuts, blueberries, banana and apples
I did struggle a lot the last few days with my body and how it’s look has changed. But the most important part it that in the end the outcome of it is a positive one. Whenever I feel down I try to remind myself of all the wonderful things that I have in my life. I am so happy to live in my apartment, I am so happy to have restored my health and I am so blessed to have the support from my family, friends and therapist that get me through some insane moments in my life.
Of course not everyone in my family can be of benefit and I do have to watch out that I do not let myself get influenced too much from the stronger personalities in my family. But it’s also a great opportunity to grow and to build my own self-esteem and to realize that I can do it.
hatcho is fermented for almost 2 years and contain loads of good probiotics to keep the gut healthy
warming hatcho miso soup with kale, spinach, pumpkin and salmon
Believing is the beginning of making things happen. I spend so much time dwelling on negative aspect of my life and thinking that nothing could ever go right again. Well it stayed that way until I was sick and tiered of this whole pessimistic life that I was living. I can glow just like anyone else.
I often found myself jealous of other. But why? Why are we jealous? Well I took a step back and realized that I wanted what they had. The best example would be my two gorgeous cousins. They are young full of life and are enjoying being themselves. So what was I jealous of? Well EVERYTHING! I wanted their hair, their confidence, self esteem, their car, their boyfriend (oops) and so much more. But then I asked myself what steps do I need to make in life to get me to that. Or what is stopping me from being what I want? Well the answer was my anxiety and my ED that kept me in the place where I was and also made me wish to be someone else.
Slowly I am working on the steps that I need to take to be just as happy with myself and to realize that I am unique and that every one of us is special in their own way. So instead of thinking if I should have oats or pancakes for breakfast I know take that time to do my hair nicely. And there you go! My hair can be just as gorgeous as my cousin!
walnut, pine and cashew nut basil pesto with spaghetti, zucchini and tomatoes
I could easily eat 2 full plates of this! so good
It’s scary and wonderful to be able to discover myself again. I love how I can laugh again like I did before and I love that now I have the time to look after myself and attend my needs. Attracting the positive things in life… something we all can do a little more!
February 25th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Hang in there, my dear! You WILL truly discover yourself again xoxo
February 25th, 2011 at 9:02 pm
I know how hard it is to see wonderful people around you and to feel jealous of their wonder…. but you must remember that you are a part of that too! That they look at you in the asme way that you look at them, as a beautiful UNIQUE being
Think of how lukcy you are to share a piece of that with them, rather than using it as a negative thing against them….
I find it hard not just comparing with other people who i am envious of, but also comparing myself to how i USED to be. I dont want to be someone else, i just want to be ME again!!! i know that it is achieveable, i am still that person… but i worry sometimes that i am broken beyond repair and i will never get back to the same mindset as i had back then
BUT i can try, right??!?! the only way to find out is to give it a go…. now i must put my words into actions. be happy my friend, you have come so far and i am so proud of you
xxxxx
February 25th, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I was always jealous at gorgeous girls, with long lean legs, awesome complexion and, well, great breasts. But, nature intended for me to be a bit different than that, and the true beauty reveals itself when we accept ourselves, and when we are happy with what we have, trying to accent the things that are great, and improving our weaknesses, but not by dieting and torturing our bodies.
I’m glad you’re rediscovering yourself, just as I am as well. Isn’t it great to have other thoughts in mind, and not just about food and exercise?
February 26th, 2011 at 1:33 am
Recovery is SO not easy. You are beautiful and wonderful and smart and amazing. I know sometimes it’s really hard to see the good in ourselves when we are so focused on what everyone else seems to have. But just know that you are loved and supported. I am here for you!
February 26th, 2011 at 2:42 am
I love yogurt parfaits – YUM, yours looks absolutely delicious!
February 26th, 2011 at 9:23 am
I completely agree about constantly comparing myself to others. I know that in reality, healthy me is the real me, and that sick me was just a half-arsed version of someone else, but sometimes in practice it doesn’t seem that obvious.
Your eats look yummy and nourishing though. I hope you enjoy your weekend xo
February 26th, 2011 at 10:10 am
LOVE your new header!! And your eats look lovely, per usual
February 26th, 2011 at 12:20 pm
This is such a beautiful post! It’s so inspiring and hopeful. I kept smiling while reading it
February 26th, 2011 at 3:22 pm
You ARE gorgeous! You got this all right down to the T!
Your parfait seriously looks incredible!!
February 26th, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Neela,
such a profound and well-written post. You are a wonderful person and don’t ever forget to give yourself the credit you deserve!
This road you’re on is a bumpy one, but you’ll come out stronger in the end.
K
February 27th, 2011 at 9:52 am
what a beautiful post in every sense of the word! Your photography is amazing, and your writing is great and insightful
I am struggling now a bit too, and I find you so so motivating 
Thank you so much!
Much love,
Scott
P.S. I LOVE that German breakfast! Nothing better than German bread in my book!
February 27th, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Jealousy is often a reflection of what we are dissatisfied with ourselves. We are “jealous” of someone say because they have a better job and we berate ourselves thinking, “I’m so stupid, why aren’t I do that? why aren’t I making that much money?!”. Its really sad. I often get jealous of people who REALLY recovered. Who are finally at peace with food and eat what they wish when they wish. I totally dont envy anyone who has “control” and scrutinizes every morsel that passes his/her lips. thats no way to live. And neither is being jealous. Its a wasted emotion. Its ok to be sad and angry, those are valid. but there is really no point for jealousy.
February 28th, 2011 at 2:03 am
What a profound post. I’ve been in a strange place lately teetering on a big leap foreword in my recovery and this post is really helping point me in the right direction. Not only are your meals beautifully photographed, but your words are inspiring and beautifully crafted.
I’m taking a buddhism course currently and I’m learning so much about concentrating not on comparing yourself and not on material things about yourself, but rather on your thoughts and how to just let them be and enjoy life in every moment. Things are looking more beautiful every day.
February 28th, 2011 at 5:37 am
Beautiful words, Neela! I struggle with comparisons so much myself…it’s so difficult to look at other people who seem to have it all together and not envy them. I do it all of the time. I used to think so that the only way I would be okay would be for me to be exactly like someone else. I tried to act like friends of mine who I envied but when I still never felt good enough, I turned to ed. Ed made me unique and when I was feeling like crap he promised to make me feel better.
Clemmy is right, we re all beautifully unique in our own ways! We all have this quality and we all can find peace in this!
You are SO beautiful Neela : ).
February 28th, 2011 at 8:12 am
What a beautiful and honest post! I sometimes think that and ED and discovery mean a journey away and then back to yourself again. For that, I think it’s good in the end. You’re a wonderful and kind person, Neela!
February 28th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
A beautiful and important post.
Spending time being jealous of others is not time well spend. We are the one we are, and we better focus on how to accomplish what we dream of. How to fight through the changes we want to see happen in our lives.
You do that every single day, and I’m so proud of you for that.
You can glow. Everybody can glow. Thank you for being an inspiration to us, beautiful!
March 8th, 2011 at 12:08 am
I am so moved and inspiored and happy for you.
You have a way with words. I am so happy to have “found” your blog recently.
Off to go google hatcho, that looks amazing and right up my alley.